Trapped in an American Accent

Often, as a foreigner in this country, I feel somewhat trapped in an American accent. I suspect this is the case with many non-Americans living here - the ones who for some reason, cared enough to put on an accent, even though it is not their regular way of speaking. I had thought it would be no big deal; I mean, it isn't, not really, but when I come across other Africans here, speaking in their regular accent, I suddenly feel as though I am putting on a performance, and I ask myself why I bothered putting on this accent in the first place.

At first, I came up with a bunch of silly reasons to justify why it was different when I did it, why it was not hypocritical that I, someone who always makes a point of rebelling against the watering down of ethnic cultures to appease western standards, was replacing my Nigerian accent in favour of the American one. "I just don't want to deal with them not understanding what I say". Bull- my accent is (can be) perfectly understandable. There are ranges of how strong one's accent is, and while mine varies depending on the situation, I am perfectly capable of making sure mine is comprehensible to any non-Africans I may be speaking to. After all, there are many foreigners who do the same.

I still have trouble figuring out whether the decision was more subconscious or more deliberate. It is still true that I don't necessarily struggle to put one on when I am talking to Americans; the TV shows, movies, and Youtubers I watched growing up were enough for me to develop the accent, which I would sometimes find myself speaking in for no reason at all, as was the case with speaking in a British accent shortly after I watched British shows or Youtubers. So, I guess my mind just made the switch. But after a while, I realized that I hated the fact that I let my mind make the switch, because soon after, it started to feel like a chore, having to keep this accent up so as to not arouse confusion. I am not American. But now every time I talk to someone I know, I speak in an American accent. I feel silly forcing my Nigerian accent out later. I wish I had introduced myself to them with it, at least letting it slip out, in a sort of mixed Nigerianish Americanish way of speaking. That would have felt more authentic; a compromise, not a complete submission. Submission that I brought upon myself, for no reason. The same submission that many non-Americans or non-westerners in general bring upon themselves; hiding that ethnic accent. The commonality of this really revealed itself to me when I saw the "when the accent slips out" trend on tiktok. People who are authentically themselves, who speak with the same intonation and slang they grew up with, with the same voice they think in, they are the ones who are free.